I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
