what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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