oh god the rape fog is back!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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