Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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