I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
