I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
