a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
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he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.