Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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