Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
