so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
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I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
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New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible