Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am one with the molecules
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.