i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.