kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
