I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
