he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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