Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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