When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
