Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
