I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
