When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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