So drunk its hurt
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
