I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Can you bring me the toilet please
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
