Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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