I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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