I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
