I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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