And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
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I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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