Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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