I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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