Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
