Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
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Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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