I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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