yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
