i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
