If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
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I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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