i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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