I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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