I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
