There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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