He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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