cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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