literally had 100 drinks last night.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
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Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
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I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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