No, you can still breathe under the balls.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
