One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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