just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im about as happy as oj after his trial
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
