y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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