Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
