He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
