What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now