I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
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if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
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I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.