I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
