Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.