We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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