i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
