He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
