just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
