I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize