If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
