Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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