Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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