Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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