At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
