please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
