Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
false alarm. still invincible.
you win again, gameday.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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