This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize