There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
