just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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