he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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