There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
