No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
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so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
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I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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