if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
